Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

By: N. Amma Twum-Baah (November 1, 2009)

Somewhere between the fight for women’s liberation and acquired westernized thinking about domestic roles, African women have come to associate the art of cooking with something demeaning. Yes, I said demeaning. But how can a technique that requires knowledge of art be considered demeaning? That’s where your contributions are needed.

For centuries, cooking has been one of the main responsibilities of women in the home, and for centuries, a woman who lacked this essential skill was not fit for marriage. Cooking, in many African societies, ranks almost equally with the ability to bear children, as traits that make a woman a woman. It is a sign of proper upbringing, discipline, and the essence of an African woman’s identity. It is what sets her apart from women of other cultures and ethnicities. The trend has changed, somewhat, today with some African men taking on or assisting with the role in the home, but the burden still falls solely on the woman when it comes to who’s responsible for preparing meals for the family. A man who can cook is admirable, but a woman who can cook is a necessity in many relationships, even in today’s modern world of modern ideologies and imposed westernized standards in relationships between the African man and woman.

The responses to our online poll that posed the question whether African women must know how to cook goes to show that not much has changed when it comes to who is expected to prepare the evening meal. 53% of respondents said “yes, it’s a must,” while 31% said “Yes. I believe an African woman who can cook is admirable, but it’s not a Must.” Only 11% said “No, it’s not a must,” and 5% “didn’t really care either way.”

Some respondents expressed their opinions in comments such as: “cooking is what sets us apart from the others, I know we are in the 90s and all, but when it comes to who we are, this is our pride.” (Lucy, UK); absolutely yes! A woman must know how to cook.” (Judith, USA); and “a woman must know how to cook. If not for her husband and for herself, at least, for the children who will someday depend on her for survival.” (Adwoa, USA).

Many others said a woman’s culinary skills must be ascertained based on whether she intends to get married, who she intends to marry, and who she ends up marrying. I found this argument flawed because it makes the assumption that a woman must only know how to cook because of her potential future marital status. But then it makes sense because … African women and marriage … it’s usually not an option. The general assumption is that someday every African woman will get married; cooking is an essential skill an African woman must have in marriage; so every African woman must know how to cook – traditional meals. Of course, these assumptions are based on another assumption – that she intends to marry a fellow African.

Surprisingly, men were generally mute on the subject. From general conversations with African men, however, the general sense is that many prefer a woman who is well versed in the art of cooking. I remember when I was about sixteen years old standing at the kitchen sink washing up after having cooked a meal for the family. A guy friend (he was interested in more than friendship) from the neighborhood stopped by to chat. As I walked from sink to stove, then from stove to sink to trash can, his eyes just followed me and he had this huge smile on his face. I asked him what was so amusing, and he admitted that he found women who knew their way around the kitchen sexy. I was sixteen and he was eighteen. I found the comment very condescending at the time because it was about the time I had become very conscious of the unjust subjection of women and I was not in the mood for stereotypes and imposed roles that eluded sexiness. Today, the fact remains that many African men equate a woman who knows her way around the kitchen with sexiness. No wonder many of us heard time and time again from our mothers and grandmothers that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

Cooking in my family was a time for female bonding (though I saw it more like torture time back then) because it was around the stove that my sisters and I, along with my mother would talk about the day’s events, and share gossip and laughs. It was around the stove that my mother would enquire about our lives and share stories of her life growing up. It was around the stove that my grandmother would share stories from days long past, when the family would gather in her small town every Christmas or Easter. Along with my aunts and female cousins, and other female relatives we would gather, each with an assigned chore, and talk and share and laugh. This is where I would hear time and time again how important it is for a woman to know how to cook if she wanted to keep a man happy and fulfilled. And this is where I first learned to hate the notion that I was being groomed to know how to cook in order to keep a man happy and fulfilled. Somehow, I grew to appreciate these lessons and what many may term demeaning roles for women and primitive ways of thinking.

My personal opinion, apart from all the opinions expressed, is this: Women are the primary care-takers of their children. A woman lacking cooking skills is likely to deny her children healthy, nutritious meals essential for their nutrition and growth. I have witnessed many friends feeding unhealthy meals to their children who turn out to be very sickly. Many may argue that the role of women has changed, with many now working outside the home. For this liberal feminist, that does not excuse women from providing healthy nutritious meals for their families. If a woman wants to feed herself frozen dinners and fast foods lacking in nutrition for the rest of her life that’s fine. But, she at least owes those depending on her for survival some knowledge of what goes into their bodies. The art of cooking is not just about throwing together ingredients in a bowl, but is about knowing what is in those ingredients, and how much of those ingredients are necessary for nutrition, and the potential harm caused by too little or too much of said ingredients. How much salt is too much salt, how well should meat be boiled or not boiled, how much spicing is too much spicing or too little spicing.

These are skills passed down from grandmother to mother to daughter. Some recipes are secrets and are kept within the family. Others are shared. Cooking is more than a skill; it is what sets African women apart from the others, as Lucy said. Today I know this to be true, and I cherish the effort my grandmother and mother put into ensuring that I was equipped with the essential skills of life. The knowledge I acquired from book learning and worldly exposure should only enhance my understanding of who I am intrincsically. The basic life skills instilled in me as an African woman are what make up the core of my actual intelligence – and Yours.

I think there is nothing demeaning about a woman being expected to know how to cook.  What do you think?

As always, please feel free to share your views, respectfully, below.