Co-Authored by Funmi A. Adeyele and Nicole A. Twum-Baah
Every woman has a story to tell. Black women have an exceptional story to tell because they have overcome hurdles not many others have had to overcome. African women today are presidents of countries, banks, corporations and world organizations. Many African women have excelled at what they do and many others continue to hope and dream that one day, they too can achieve what was once unachievable.
African Goddess stepped out to seek the views of a diverse group of African women who have either aimed and achieved, or are still aiming to achieve their hopes and dreams. We wanted to know from these women, “What drives you to succeed?” Below are some very inspirational stories:
Aminata: Admits she wasn’t the smartest kid on the block at her local primary school in the hinterlands of Zaire. Born and raised in Kisangani, a city that stretches alongside the River Zaire, Aminata remembers her days growing up as a young girl. She was usually behind her classmates in terms of aptitude because she missed so many days of school due to the inability of her father to pay her fees. “My teacher got so frustrated with me one day because I couldn’t answer a question she had asked. I was in the fourth or fifth grade at the time. I don’t really remember. Well, she started to call me all sorts of horrible names and then said I would never amount to anything in life. I cried all the way home.” Aminata says this stuck with her for a very long time. “At a point in time, I started to believe that my destiny was to live the rest of my life selling oranges along the river banks.” Let’s just say that God had a very different plan for her. “In 1994, I traveled to the capital city and run into a gentleman who was visiting home from America. We struck up a conversation and I remember I couldn’t even get my sentences straight, but he was very nice.” The gentleman Aminata refers to is the same man who sent her an invitation to the United States in 1996. “To cut a long story short, I arrived in America with not much to look forward to. After a series of events in my life which ended with my friend-turned tyrant - taking me into his home and physically and emotionally abusing me for six months, I was finally able to escape.” I moved to Louisiana to live with an uncle for some time. He encouraged me to go and get my GED; which I did. It turns out; Aminata was not that stupid after all. She was just the victim of unfortunate circumstances. After getting her GED, she proceeded to attend the local Community college where she studied nursing. Aminata went on to college and received a bachelor’s degree in nursing but was not satisfied. “It was as if I had something to prove to everyone from my past who said I wouldn’t make it.” Aminata decided to go back and get a second bachelors degree; this time in biology. She later went on to medical school and is currently a sole practitioner, married with two very handsome boys. Her advice: “don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re too stupid, too unintelligent, or too poor to become someone. I do not give myself any compliments for my accomplishments. I do know one thing – I would never have made it without God on my side, seeing me every step of the way.”
Adedayo: Was quite the bookworm growing up. Raised in a Christian home, Ade, as she prefers to be called, knew something just wasn’t quite right when her parents would punish her for doing something, as her father put it, “a girl shouldn’t be doing.” My brothers would do the same thing, like climb a tree or jump the wall, and get away with it. But when I attempted to do the same thing, I would get yelled at or hit by my mother. Ade says she understands that her dad meant no harm, but she’s still a little bitter about her experiences growing up. “He paid more attention to the educational pursuits of my brothers than he did mine. He always wanted to remind me, (both he and my mother) of the fact that as a woman I did not need that much education because, after all one day I would get married and have a husband to take care of me. As long I got through secondary school, I was going to be okay, according to my mother.” Despite her father’s mentality regarding her education, he still footed the bill through four years of undergraduate studies and then three more years of law school. “I always pushed myself to the limit because I felt I had to prove to my father - and my mother – that I was just as good as my brothers, if not better.” Ade remembers her father was at both of her graduations cheering her on - oh so proudly, like the proud father he ought to be. “For the fact that he thought educating me was a waste of time, he sure has been the rock in my life. I think he is slowly beginning to realize the errors of his thinking. On my wedding day, as he gave me away, I remember seeing tears in his eyes. I can only imagine what he was thinking.” Knowing that she got a good education, a husband and a successful career, Ade says her father and mother can finally rest assured that she will always be okay. “I know that’s all they ever wanted for me. I’m just glad I was able to prove to my parents that a woman today can do anything she sets her mind and heart to: to have it all and to be good at it all.”Her advice: “Don’t let any human being (not even your own parents) pre-determine your destination.”
Angela: Says she could never quite understand how her mother could say the things she used to say to her. “Looking back, and being older and wiser, I now understand that she was simply a victim of her culture.” Angela’s mother, so much like Adedayo’s parents, thought it was a waste of money and time to educate her only daughter. My mother had such views on a woman’s place in society that made me cringe. “My mother made it a point to yell at me all the time and to remind me that no man was ever going to marry me if I didn’t learn how to cook and do dishes and clean and wash cloths. The list of reasons was endless. It seemed to grow every day.” Angela admits that this constant badgering led her to resent her mother during her teenage years. “I was so rebellious; I started staying out late after school. This made my mother even the more afraid for me and she would proceed to tell me how my books will not get me a husband and how no man was ever going to want to marry a girl who run wild and cared more about books than she did maintaining a home. I began to feel like I was being groomed to be some man’s maid.” The more Angela’s mother nagged her, the more she says she sought solace in books. “I was rebellious, but I also knew that I wanted to be something other than ‘a wife’ when I grew up. I was a good student and my teachers encouraged me to excel.” Angela says the one thing that drove her to want to succeed was to educate her mother. “I wanted to succeed at something, besides housekeeping, in order to proof to my mother that I could have both a successful career, and keep a home. Angela is a chemical engineer with a firm in Chicago and is currently engaged to be married to her high school sweetheart in a couple of weeks. Her advice: “To all mothers/women, please let’s educate ourselves so we can educate our children about the value that educated women add to any society. We were not put on earth for the pleasure of men, but to fulfill the purpose that God has for our lives. My mother almost broke my spirit and self-esteem. I’m glad I was strong enough to resist.”
African Goddess asked a range of African women participants what drives them to succeed. Participants were pooled from the United States, the United Kingdom and Canada. Here are some responses we received:
Nana Adwoa (from Ghana): “Growing up, I watched my mother struggle to make it. She became a single parent after my dad passed away unexpectedly. My mum is not a college graduate and had stayed home while my dad was alive. I swore I would do better and take care of my mum when I grew up. I have been able to keep the promise I made to myself and to my mother. I send her money every month for the upkeep of our home in Ghana so she can sit back and relax in her old age.” Nana Adwoa is a practicing registered nurse living in Maryland.
Adannaya (from Nigeria): “I’m not quite sure what it is that drives me to do the things I do. I just know that I have always wanted to live the good life, and it takes money and success to do that, abi? I have always admired successful people, especially women, and have aspired to be like them. My mother was also a professional woman, a medical doctor, so I guess I had someone to look up to.” Adannaya is a Gynecologist and lives in the UK with her husband and three children.
Yekemi (from Nigeria): “My parents instilled in me the hunger for success at a very early age by encouraging me to get an education and to excel at everything I did. Both my parents are U.S. college graduates. My father is an attorney in Ontario, while my mother is a psychologist with a PhD also working in Ontario. For me the drive to succeed, I guess I was born with it. That’s the only way I can explain it.” Yekemi is the corporate communications director for a sports agency in Ontario, Canada.
Rakia (from Ivory Coast): “I grew up in a house where equal opportunity was the order of the day. My parents encouraged me to excel so there was nothing like ‘boys can do this; girls can’t do this’ in my house. My father was a struggling trader who got up at the crack of dawn to go out and look for food for his family. When my family migrated to the United States when I was only 13, I saw the opportunity and successes that came to those who worked hard. My father worked two jobs and my mother too. I wanted to help them out and at the same time make something of myself in this land of such great opportunity and that’s exactly what I did.” Rakia is a successful entrepreneur and runs her very own spa in Atlanta, GA.
While several others of the women polled stated inspirations from their parents, siblings, and role models in society, most of our participants were found running from forces greater than themselves: poverty, cultural influences and primitive traditions.
Comments:
Nessa: The drive to succeed comes from within....to be the best that I was born to be.