Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

I hugged the phone tightly to my chest for a minute. The sobs were heart-wrenching and the plea in his voice was sincere. How could I be so cold? I asked myself. I put the phone back to my ears just in time to hear my husband say “I love you and I’m really sorry I hurt you.”

Kwesi and I have been married for three years. We started out strong and madly in love. He was this strong, caring and loving man I thought would never do anything to hurt me, ever. We were this power couple that others saw and admired. He was always dotting me with attention. My girlfriends called me lucky and I did feel lucky.

At 5’11,’ Kwesi is a handsome, well-built man with a successful career as a corporate attorney.  He is every woman’s dream. Handsome. Charming. Successful and funny. Besides his social achievements, Kwesi is also a much respected member of our church. I knew how lucky I was to have him as my husband because I was aware of the steady stream of women he dated before he began dating me. They were very beautiful, successful women in their own rights, but in the end, I was the one who won his heart and made him want to settle down and get married.  

The night Kwesi walked into our bedroom and confessed his extra-marital affair I was at first in shock. As I listened to him talk my shock turned to anger and then excruciating pain as I imagined the man I called my own laying in bed with another woman, doing the things I only imagined he would ever do with me. The betrayal I felt was enormous. His body was mine, just as my body was his and his alone. He had shared himself with another woman. The way he explained it, she was someone he had no feelings for. “It was just sex.” That’s what got me confused. I threw myself at my husband every chance I got, so that he was not lacking intimacy with me. I did the things he wanted me to. I never once held back from him – not even after a long day at the office when all I wanted to do was take a bath and hit the sheets. So I knew he couldn’t use lack of intimacy with me as justification for sleeping with another woman. I was a good wife – or at least what I thought a good wife should be. I cooked for my husband, I cared for my husband and I kept him busy between the sheets. He said it happened once and he was sorry the minute it was over, but I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around the thought.

Kwesi began sleeping in one of the extra bedrooms, while I locked myself in our bedroom every night and wept myself to sleep. It was on one such night that my husband called me and offered his heart-wrenching apology. We lived in the same house, but had resorted to calling each other on the phone, instead of talking face-to-face.

I knew I didn’t want to leave my husband. To get past the hurt and the pain I had to find the power to forgive him in order to save my marriage. Counseling was not my thing so I opted not to use a counselor. I kept the hurt to myself because I didn’t want to hear what my girlfriends had to say. I couldn’t even go to my pastor. My husband was the one who had cheated and yet, I was the one carrying the shame. That made me even angrier. I stopped cooking and caring for his needs. I was distant and cold and I thought of ways to avenge what he had put me through. It was an emotional roller-coaster ride and I knew I had to do something before things got out of control.

That’s when we sought the help of God. My husband and I decided to pray together every night before we went to bed. It started off as very awkward because I couldn’t stand being around him. Then a few days after we prayed together, Kwesi suggested that we include reading the bible together. So we would both pick a verse and read it together and then we would pray side by side. A few weeks later we had progressed to holding hands while praying. Then something happened. As Kwesi and I better understood God’s love for us, we began to see our marriage in a whole new light. I began to understand that if only I could forgive my husband the way God had forgiven me for my sins, that we would be okay. I began to understand that what was impossible in the sight of humans was not impossible with God. I began to understand that I wasn’t perfect and neither was my husband. Together we prayed endlessly and tirelessly that God would see us through. I questioned my husband about the affair and why he did what he did, and the more openly we talked, the less painful it became. As Kwesi and I held hands and prayed night after night we began to share a special bond. I began to feel a genuine love for my husband and he reciprocated. Our love-making took on a whole new meaning. I was no longer performing a marital chore; I was sincerely loving my husband and connecting with him on a more spiritual level.

I know that Kwesi and I have a lot of work to do, but we are on the right path to saving our marriage and getting it right again. I am just grateful for the grace and love of God in my marriage and the understanding God has given me – that my husband slipped and betrayed me in the most painful way, but with the love of God and the forgiveness of God, we are going to be okay.

Author
Nana Adwoa, a journalist and freelance photographer, lives in Houston, Texas with her husband and three young children.