Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

By: AG Editorial Staff (November 5, 2009)

Are you assertive in bed, or do you just let what is rightfully yours’ pass you by night after night after night? Too many African women are stuck in the views of the past – that women are not supposed to enjoy sex; that sex is dirty; that sex is only for the enjoyment of men; that sex is a marital chore; and sex is only to be indulged for the purposes of getting pregnant.

Like one woman said: “you sit there and let a good thing pass you by. You don’t know what you are missing.” Many women have, to date, been able to shed the heavy weight of viewing sex as a necessary evil instead of something to be enjoyed in love. Studies have concluded that sex and a woman’s emotions go hand-in-hand. When a woman is able to free her mind of all the negative connotations associated with the sexual act, only then can she let her inner tigress be unleashed.

Men have a huge role to play in debunking these sexual myths forced on women by well-meaning mothers and fathers who tell their young girls all things sexual are negative, in an attempt to keep them from going off and getting pregnant. Unfortunately, not many women are able to grow out of these engrained myths and ideologies long enough to enjoy a stimulating and fulfilling relationship with their men.

Learn the truth about sex: There is a lot to be learned about the act of sex. Today, sex is something to be had and done by all, regardless of age, sexual origin and marital status. In a time gone past, sex was placed on a higher pedestal such that when two people engaged in the act, they were usually man and woman, married to each other, fulfilling an essential part of their union. The position of sex in today’s society is nothing to be proud of, but it can still be enjoyed if women take the time to learn the truth about sex (and their bodies), the purpose of sex in their lives, and what it means to them and to their partners. Don’t allow the images of sex today distort the importance of this act of love as an essential tool to a fulfilling marriage.

Relax: You are inexperienced when it comes to sex. And so what? Ideally, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. A woman’s inability to relax during sex might stem from her fear of being rejected, scolded, or labeled by the man she’s with. These fears are usually unfounded, but if they are not; then you need not be with a man who makes you uncomfortable in the first place. Women need to remember that you are not expected to know everything. So relax and enjoy. Experience will come only after you have loosened up and enjoyed the act time and time again.

Speak up: Don’t let what is rightfully yours slip by you time after time after time because you’re too afraid to voice your objections to certain positions, certain acts, or certain feelings, or lack thereof. Express either orally, or with body language what you like and don’t like. A sensitive man who has your best interest at heart will hear you and listen.

Think positively about sex: Associating sex with words such as dirty, appalling, nasty, sinful, and other negatives only deepen a woman’s sense of dread regarding the act. Think words such as pure, enjoyable, good, love, and you will be a step closer to developing a boldness where your needs are concerned.