Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

By: Funmi A. Adeyele

Before feminist movements and women everywhere began fighting for their rights, it was assumed that women did not enjoy the act of sex or were not expected to enjoy sex. That concept still exists, but in more restrained ways. Open up any magazine or article that seeks to inform on the issue of pleasure between the sheets (even in women’s magazines) and one will notice that most advice given is given to women; and its usually tailored to the advantage of men: how to snag your man in the bedroom, “lacy lingerie turns him on”, “how to look good for your man”, and the list of to dos to make sure your man enjoys the act of sex is endless.  But, what about us - women? Who’s looking out for us and for our pleasure between the sheets, or has everyone just given up on us because no matter what you do, women are never going to enjoy (or are not supposed to enjoy) sex, so why bother? In times past, sex for African women was seen as just another marital chore, like cooking or cleaning. Today’s liberated thinking woman knows what she wants from her partner and should not be afraid to say it out loud. If your man isn’t getting it right, it’s because he has no idea how to pleasure you or what turns you on.

7 out of 10 women interviewed by Afrikan Goddess admitted they have never experienced an orgasm and 6 out of 10 never expected to ever achieve one. 3 out of 10 said they have no idea what turns them on. Unfortunately, being sexually exploratory has always been considered un-African. At an early age, women are taught to be ashamed of their bodies. It is to be enjoyed by men and is reserved for their pleasure. It is no wonder that 8 out of 10 African women we interviewed said they could not locate the parts of their sexual organs by name, 9 out of 10 do not know what their own vagina look like and 4 out of 10 said they would be hesitant to take a peek.

With these disheartening results, Afrikan Goddess turned to her experts (our female readers) for advice on how to get African women to boldly express themselves in the bedroom and have their needs met. Read what our female readers said they think women ought to do in the bedroom to take charge of their sexual fulfillment. This article is all about women and their pleasure and not about lace and lingerie and what to look like to turn your partner on. Today, it’s all about the ladies so pay attention.

Remember, Men Are Not Mind Readers

If you have a strong sense that your partner doesn't understand how to satisfy your sexual needs, maybe it’s because he really doesn’t. Being silent about it will not help solve the problem. Sexual displeasure is a very intimate topic for any couple and must be approached with the most utmost care. Voicing your dissatisfaction to your partner (male or female) can knock his/her confidence. Remember you want your needs met and as such; it must be suggested and not demanded.

Non-verbal Communication

Communication is essential in any relationship and can be verbal or non verbal. Unless your man is a psychic, the only way for him to find out how to pleasure you, is if you communicate what you like and don’t like. In this case, where discomfort with the subject might sink in, you can make your needs known with a range of non-verbal cues. The key is to lead the way and to guide your man. Let him know when he’s hit the right spot. A man who aims to please you takes hints from those subtle noises you make. He knows by the sounds of pleasure when he has hit the right spot, which is why the next point is very important.

Stop Faking IT!

Faking an orgasm does nothing for you, and your man is never going to get the message that you are dissatisfied if you keep doing that! Most women feign pleasure either because they have given up on ever being able to enjoy sex or because they have given up entirely on ever achieving an orgasm. But remember, if your man knows what he’s doing, with your guidance, he will get there. Studies show that women who masturbate are more likely to have ever achieved an orgasm than those who don’t. This makes absolute sense because if a woman does not know and explore her own sexuality, how can you expect your man to? Besides the fact that sex is considered dirty for most African women, the act of masturbating has for years been associated with shame and impurity. Again, it is most frowned upon when women do it than when men do it.

Take care of You

It takes a confident woman – a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it, a woman who knows what she deserves and settles for no less – to voice an opinion in the bedroom. Taking care of yourself and feeling good about yourself is a sure way to feel sexy and confident in between the sheets. Most women can’t seem to enjoy sex because they are too concerned about what they look like. They are insecure about their physical appearance and obsessed with what they think is physically wrong that they can’t tune into their sexual enjoyment in the moment when it is happening. No woman should ever rely on a man’s affirmation of her inner/outer beauty. You are who you are and you need to embrace that, for only then will you be able to let go, relax and enjoy the act of love.

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