Written By: J. Nana Adwoa Banuaku Five years of being married is hardly enough time for me to say I know all about my husband. It takes a while to get to know another someone that intimately. But discovering what makes us tick, what make us laugh, what hurts us and what makes us shut down is an endless blend of emotions I can’t describe sufficiently in words. It’s that look the two of us share from across a crowded room that only we understand, or that touch that sparks something in both of us that only we know is there. Jaden and I dated three years before we got married, and I was already pregnant with our first child before the wedding. When we found out, we were both apprehensive and excited. We are both conservative, and so are our families. I know he did the honorable thing by suggesting we push the wedding date up so my “dirty little secret” wouldn’t go leaking to the press. There are other general things I know about my husband – the way he wrinkles his nose when he disapproves of something I’ve said, or the way he grumbles ever time we’re going out, and he’s ready half an hour before I am. One thing I know for certain, he is a wonderful husband and a great father! When it was suggested to me that I write something about fathers in the inspirational section this month I was not in the least bit surprised. Matter of fact, I expected it, and I was prepared. I was, however, torn between writing about my husband, and writing about my dad – the two most remarkable men in my life. So, I decided to do both. You can read my collaborative article under “Love & Relationships” with the editor in which we both talk about our fathers. It also serves as a tribute to all African fathers as well. It takes tremendous time and effort invested to get to know someone on a deeply emotional level. I wouldn’t say I have a perfect marriage, but I would boldly and proudly say that I have one of the best marriages out there! This is highly unusual for women my age these days. Many of my friends who got married before me, and after me, are on the verge of divorce and several others call me all the time with their “I’m-not-happy-I-married-him” tales. Is it because we no longer take the time to study the men and women we will be sharing the rest of our lives with, or is it something else? My parents have been happily married for over 35 years, though I don’t remember it always being that way. I do, however, remember that my father came back, my mother stuck it out, they forgave each other, a new bond was formed and I haven’t seen them happier than they’ve been ever since. Their love for each other is a blessing to me because it keeps me on my toes in my own marriage. One thing I’ve learned in my marriage is that love does indeed conquer all. I have heard people say “but love just isn’t enough these days,” and I say “oh, yes it is.” It just depends on what kind of love people are practicing in their marriages. If you practice the ultimate form of selfless love that God instructs us to have for each other, you’ll be surprised just how far loving your husband will take you – even when you think he’s unlovable and doesn’t deserve to be loved! When my husband and I stood before 150 guests and God the day we were married, I made a silent vow to myself and to God that I would love him no matter what - even in moments when he was unlovable. Then, it was an easy vow to make. Of course, I was in a beautiful white dress staring into the eyes of the man who had melted my heart away with a simple “hello.” I was so head over heels in love on our wedding day I would have said or done anything. I am, however, glad I made that silent vow because it has kept me in my marriage even when the going was rough. There were times I could have recanted that vow because no one else knew of it. But, I refuse to break the promise I made to my maker. He has been so good to me, and is the one who has seen me through life’s most unsettling moments. Yes, Jaden and I have had our falling-outs and petty (and huge) fights, but we have never let these overtake us. We remind ourselves of our vows to love and to cherish each other every day. Loving your husband should not take tremendous effort on your part – though for some women it’s harder. It means to respect him, acknowledge his efforts, and not comparing him to other men. It means appreciating every moment you share together, cooking for him, cleaning, taking care of his sexual needs and being an ear to his problems. It takes patience and tack – that can only come from God! As we celebrate Father’s Day this month, we’re not only celebrating the men who gave us life, but also those with whom we share our lives and with whom we have borne very beautiful children. A simple expression of selfless love is all it takes to make a peaceful, successful and happy marriage. My husband is my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The things I do for him come naturally out of the abundance of love I feel for him. Happy Father’s Day to all you wonderful husbands out there! So, ladies, show your husbands how much you love them this June 21st. Love them with the love of God which surpasses all understanding and never waver. Let Proverbs 31 be your guide, in case you find yourself confused. Then stand back and watch as God performs a mighty work in your marriage. It will surely bear fruit someday! I was really encouraged by your very inspirational words. This is very true! I have been married to my husband for 5 years and i will admit that it is not always easy to love him. There are times when i want to walk out because things become so difficult. But, then in those moments, i am reminded that God is all-knowing. He can right any wrong and heal any confusion. I always find myself turning to the bible for solace and there i seek all the comfort I’m looking for. I would love to see more articles like this to encourage our African women to stick in their marriages. We are slowly falling for the 'if it’s not working walk out' syndrome and it scared me as a Christian. |
