Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

By N. Amma Twum-Baah

She’s standing on his doorstep pleading tearfully asking him to reconsider his decision. He tells her it’s over and he doesn’t want to see her anymore. She continues to beg him asking him not to go, not to do this to her, to the love they once shared. She’s crying frantically now and you scoff in disgust as you finish off the last drip of red wine from the sparkling wine goblet as you pace his living room and think, “Woman, grab a hold of yourself! Have some self-pride and dignity! What part of he doesn’t want to be with you don’t you understand?” You are upset because this woman is potentially ruining what was supposed to be the start of a perfect evening with your man. She’s scared and obviously in distress and you have not a care in the world as you sashay yourself over and stealthily hook your arm into his. “Babe, come on. It’s getting late. Let’s go to bed. She’s a grown woman and can take care of herself.” Then you shoot her a look of contempt as you size her up in all her pity and humiliation.  He hesitates for a moment, then, after a final glance at her tearful face as she stands there on his doorstep, he closes the door behind him, leaving on the other side the woman to whom he had once offered red wine, hooked arms with, treated with nothing but respect, and promised forever; and follows you to the bedroom where the two of you engage in a little tête-à-tête followed by utter pleasure after which you both sleep soundly like babies till morning. 

Meanwhile, she’s still sitting on his doorstep crying her eyes out as she waits for a taxicab. And she recalls that night only a year ago when she was “you” and another woman was sitting on this same doorstep crying her eyes out waiting for a taxicab to come quickly and drive her far away from here.

It is said that we, women, are our own worse enemies. This is particularly true of black women. The way some of us will connive and worm our way through another woman’s relationship in an attempt to see it disintegrate is often times too shameful for words. When it’s another woman’s marriage, no matter how troubled it is, it’s not just shameful but beyond words. What is even more shameful is to see two women squabbling over a man who is often times not even worth the squabble. And though many women are either too proud or ashamed to admit it, at some point in our pathetic, competitive lives, we have shamefully indulged in cattiness and shameless behavior with another woman over some sorry excuse of a man. Some may be worth the fight (husbands), others are not – dump him before you end up married to him!

My mother once said to me, “any woman who revels in another woman’s misery is a fool for she will soon get what’s coming to her.” Mildred learned the hard way and today she shares her story.

Mildred, a 32 year-old hair stylist, now happily married, narrated how her arrival on the scene ended Derek’s five-year marriage. “I remember sitting with him in court the day he and his wife battled their divorce in court and I felt so proud of myself. He had left her for me and it made me feel special. Later, after the hearing, I remember seeing his wife walk down the hall looking dejected and defeated, and I believe her eyes even glistened with tears but I felt nothing for her – no compassion or sympathy. He was finally all mine and we were going to live our lives free of her.” That very day, on the drive home Mildred says she felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach but shrugged it off as excitement. She was never secure in her marriage to Derek because she feared what he was capable of doing to her. As Mildred admits, “Karma really is a bitch!”

Two years ago, Mildred’s divorce from Derek played out in the very same courtroom where she had once proudly and smugly stood by his side as he tore to pieces the woman he had vowed to love and cherish, and severed the bond between them. This time, however, Mildred says she was not part of the audience but was right there on stage, front and center, with her eyes glistening with tears as she watched Derek’s new leading lady sitting behind him occasionally rubbing his back as a show of support. Mildred says she later wondered if Derek’s new lady had the same unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach on the ride home. 

Women are blessed with such wonderful and caring natures yet so many of us use this God-given power to our disadvantage and to the disadvantage of our fellow sisters. There is a lot of truth in the saying “what goes around comes around.” Most times the “coming around of what went around” does not happen until late in our lives when the dust has settled and we think we have gotten away with it. No! It always eventually comes around, no matter how long or in whatever form.

Any man who is capable of leaving a woman on his doorstep in the middle of the night, without so much as calling her a taxicab, and is able to, afterwards, sleep peacefully in  another woman’s arms is a cold-hearted beast who should not be trusted with any woman’s heart. In the same way, a man who can lie in bed beside you after you just got off the phone ranting, raving and cursing at his wife, and utters not a word, cannot be trusted with your heart. And you definitely cannot trust your heart to a man who walks with you on his arm into a divorce hearing, with the woman he swore before God to love, honor and cherish, in a condescending attempt to humiliate and further break her already broken spirit.

Always remember, that though the actors (you may be one of them reading this article) may be new and the stage may even sometimes also be new, the script almost always plays out with the same sorry ending!