Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

By: AG Staff (February 1, 2010)

... And loving life!

“This is a toast to us beautiful ladies for 2010! For the men who are fortunate enough to have us, the losers who had us and lost us, and the very lucky guys who are still to meet us! Send this to all the beautiful ladies you know. Don’t break the chain!” This was a text I received from my sister on New Year’s Day. It brought a smile to my face and a thought to delve into whether this whole new “singles” movement is a myth and a cover up to hide the pain of being single, or if women really were chanting the true creed. What I found not only surprised me, it left me feeling encouraged that women finally get it!

Somehow society has a hard time grasping the reality that a woman can be single, happy and satisfied. When such a woman is an African woman, the doubt surrounding her single, happy and satisfied chant is even stronger because society has dictated for centuries that a woman is to be married by a certain age and needs a man in her life to feel fulfilled. If she has neither of these, she must be the world’s most unhappy person. And many women have not helped to dispel the assumption by deceptively singing the “Miss Independent” anthem too many times making it hard for people to actually believe that women can genuinely be all three at the same time. Their lips may be singing a happy tune, but their hearts tell a lie. This article is talking about those whose lips and hearts are singing a happy tune in unison.

Well guess what? It is real! Is it really possible for women to be single, happy and satisfied with their lives? Yes! And it’s healthy too! There are indeed women who can look you in the eye and tell you, “no, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, and I’m not looking. I’m enjoying being single right now; but when I’m ready to get out there, I do hope I find a wonderful guy to spend my life with.” No eye-blinking or twitching whatsoever!

There are many reasons why African women are choosing to remain single these days, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they are nursing a broken heart, have been scorned, are undesirable, or have bad attitudes. Many are choosing to be single, happy and satisfied by choice. Something many find hard to accept. It’s a new sort of lifestyle if you will, and many are genuinely satisfied with just the occasional date, and no long term commitments. Some are deciding to concentrate on building careers, some are divorced and learning from their past mistakes, and others are concentrating on getting their advanced degrees. And yes, they are simply happy and satisfied doing so. Too many women have once found themselves making rush decisions that caused them more unhappiness than what they feared if they had remained single, and they are spreading the word – “it is better to wait and be sure than to end up with the wrong person out of desperation and a need to please!”

We all know by now that being truly happy and being healthy go hand in hand. This is why it is essential that when you utter those words “I’m single, happy and satisfied,” you should also either mean it, or own up to the truth. True, the stigma society attaches to single women of a certain age doesn’t make it any easier for women to usually say this with confidence. The fact that full articles and research studies and television documentaries and features have been dedicated to studying black women and the increasing rate at which many are still single and are drawing their own conclusions, does not help much either.

So as Val’s Day approaches – a time when many are going to be looking at you for signs of panic and confusion and fear – the key is to know what you want, be confident about what you want, and quit explaining why you have chosen the life you have chosen. How many couples do you see going around having to explain why they are dating or married? That’s a choice they’ve made, and this is a choice you’ve made. If you’re confident about the choice you’ve made you won’t find yourself explaining yourself every time someone gives you that look of pity and questioning.