Authored by Nicole Amma Twum-Baah When 17 year-old Emmanuel sat in court accused of attempted armed-robbery and attempted second-degree murder, the murmurs that could be heard floating around the courtroom were, “he’s so young. Where is his mother?” Not a single person present in that courtroom was interested in finding out where, or who Emmanuel’s father was. Being a mother can be a bitter-sweet experience as I’ve learned from watching my own mother and from tales I’ve heard from my girlfriends who happen to be moms. Mothers want to know that their children have been properly equipped with the tools to handle all that life throws at them. Depending on the kind of upbringing and culture, every mother’s idea of what’s important varies. For my mother, her number one concern was that my siblings (the girls of course) and I were well-equipped with the necessary skills for marriage and managing a home. But not just that, that we also had something to fall back on in the unfortunate case that either of us wound up widowed (the notion of divorce was never even considered) – an education or skill of some sort. At the time, I resented her ideas with a passion because I knew and I believed that my life would be one not entirely spent in the kitchen. I can still hear her voice in my head, “Amma get in this kitchen ooo. One day I’ll be here and your husband will bring you back to me because you don’t know how to cook!” In rebellion, I stayed in my room with my books and music and stayed as far away from the kitchen as I could, and told myself I was never getting married if it meant living in slavery in the dark dungeon known as the kitchen. The few times I did go in there, it was a nightmare. The charcoal would burn my fingers or I would cut my finger chopping tomatoes, or the onions would burn my eyes. Today, the kitchen is my favorite part of the house – after the bedroom, of course. That was then. Now, I’m older and wiser, and I realize that mum was only looking out for us – her daughters - based on the principles and atmosphere in which she was raised. In her days, it was unusual for women to graduate from college and to become career-women. Women back then were expected to be married by age 24; and if she didn’t, it meant there was something unmarriably (I know it’s not a word, I just made it up) wrong with her. In her days, a woman’s success was judged based on her husband’s status in society and not on whether or not she was the only woman director of her marketing firm. Women were totally dependent on men. This meant that for one to survive, a woman needed to be equipped with the tools necessary to keep a happy home and a happy man in order to keep her husband happy and providing for her needs, so she didn’t end up back at her mother’s house. Thank God a lot has changed since then. African men are no longer looking for a woman who is only good for keeping a home, but one that is smart, professional and resourceful too – some still are and hopefully they’ll catch up. Needless to say, I am grateful to mum for instilling those values in me in spite of my resistance and resentment. Today, I am a capable, independent, resourceful young woman and I can cook like a professional chef – don’t ask me how, but somehow I learned a thing or two from mum; except, of course, her baking skills which I regret, because I love homemade pound cake from scratch. And recipe books can only teach a person so much. I keep a clean house because mum always said “a lady does not live in filth and it does not reflect well on the woman who raised you.” I can’t stand to see dishes piled in the sink because mum said “a lady never has roaches crawling on her kitchen counter feeding on dirty pots and pans. It does not reflect well on the woman who raised you.” My crystal glasses are spotless because mum said “it looks good when someone visits you and they can see themselves reflected in the drinking glass. It reflects well on the woman who raised you.” I pay particular attention to my hygiene because mum taught me that a lady is free of unpleasant body odors. I remember her sniffing our armpits when we were old enough to grow hair in places no one else needs to see, or know about – well except mum. If it needed deodorant, she put that on her list for the next time she went to the market. I always make sure that I have on a pair of clean underwear because mum said “you never know when you might need to be rushed to the hospital. It definitely will not reflect well on the woman who raised you!” If you have a smile on your face as you’re reading this, it’s because your mum also taught you well. She equipped you with life’s survival skills whether you wanted her to or not, whether you rebelled or not, whether you are putting them to good use or not. At least she taught you well and that’s all she was supposed to do. Thanks Mum. Happy Mother’s Day! Some Pearls of Wisdom Heard from Mums Over the Years. “Wo be nyin abe to.” (“You’ll grow up to experience what I’m experiencing.”) Marian Twum-Baah “Awu sum w’ano. Debi debi ebe da m’ase.” (“Go ahead and pout. One day, one day you’ll be thanking me.”) Marian Twum-Baah “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” Phyllis Diller “The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant – and let the air out of the tires.” Dorothy parker “When you’re older and wiser, you’ll understand the sacrifices I have made so you can have a good life.” Michelle Banuaku “Her children arise up, and call her blessed.” Proverbs 31:28 Do you remember any sayings your mum is famous for quoting and nagging you with? Share them below. Your Comments: |
