Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

Common knowledge has it that Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love between couples. But, who says you always have to stick with what society dictates? For far too many single women Valentine’s day is a dreaded day because it reminds them of the fact that they are single, even though many are single by choice.

Here's what Valentine’s Day means to some women, and how these women plan to either forget the day altogether, or to celebrate their love for themselves:

Abigail is a 32 year old woman working on a second master’s degree. She admits she has been too absorbed in obtaining an education and on her career that she has barely had time to think about the fact that she’s single. “Unfortunately, there’s Val’s Day!” She agonizes. “Its like this day was created for the sole purpose of torturing single women everywhere.” Abigail says not dating affords her the freedom and peace of mind to pursue her studies without the drama and, sometimes, heartache that goes with being in a relationship. She works a full time job as an account executive with a bank in Washington, D.C., during the week, and takes classes at night twice a week. “I just don’t have time in my schedule to date.” Abigail plans to catch up on some school work and says she will be too busy to notice that  its Valentine's Day. “Before you know it, the day will be over and things will be right back to normal on Monday morning.”

Joanna, a 30 year-old divorced single mother, says she is mostly preoccupied with keeping her 7 year-old daughter entertained to even notice what day it is. Joana who was married at 24, and divorced by the time she was 28 has no time for romance. “When I was married, I hardly ever felt appreciated. It makes Valentine’s Day an easy day for me to ignore because I don’t even know what all the fuss is about.  I hardly concentrate on what I might be missing.” Joanna has not dated since her divorce two years ago because her full focus is on raising her daughter as a single parent and creating a life for herself and for her daughter. She is a brilliant sales executive whose corporate success is not by design. She had to work hard, long hours and put in a lot of time to make it to where she is today. “I don’t spend my days thinking about what I don’t have and pitying myself. I have no time for that.”

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Abigail and Joanna will certainly not be the only women  without a partner of the opposite sex who will later listen to their girlfriends babble about their plans for the evening. Abigail says her phone will be switched off all day so she doesn’t have to listen to her best friend Sandra go on and on about what her boyfriend Sam did for her, and where he’s taking her for dinner. Other women, like Cynthia, have a much better, much more positive view of Valentine’s Day despite their “single” status.

Cynthia, a 33 year-old regional manager for a food service chain, says her job requires her to work a lot of long hours. She will celebrate Valentine’s Day with her girlfriends at home. “I have an amazing group of single friends and we don’t let men trouble, or the lack of men, affect our outlook of Val’s Day. It’s a day to love, to show appreciation for the important people in our lives and that’s exactly what we do when we get together. We are planning a potluck, lots of champagne and other beverage. We have a lineup of old romantic movies that we plan to watch while we just have a good time.” Cynthia says there is “no feeling sorry for ourselves on Val’s Day, even though many times I do wish i was in a relationship."

But the dread of celebrating Valentine’s Day does not only affect the single ladies.

Beatrice, a 36 year-old mother of two whose husband is on deployment, plans to pamper herself on Valentine's Day. Usually, when her husband is home, Beatrice says they find a babysitter for the night and go out to dinner at their favorite restaurant, a small bistro where they had their very first date as college students years ago. “It is usually so romantic. I’m going to miss him very much on this particular day, but I think I’ll find something to do.”

But, who says Valentine’s Day means you have to have a date or be in a relationship? There are several ways in which single ladies can celebrate and enjoy Valentine’s Day without being consciously aware of the fact that they are single. Below are a few tried and true tips from the single ladies and the lady friends who keep them grounded:

Janelle says: This may sound crazy, but, date yourself on Valentine’s Day! Have you ever just walked in the door after a long stressful day, kicked off your shoes, run a warm bath with soft music floating in the background? It’s so soothing and relaxing. Try doing this on Val’s Day and you will soon forget you’re alone.

Amma: Try a recipe you haven’t tried before - one you have always wanted to try but couldn’t because you were too busy cooking your ungrateful boyfriend’s favorite dish! Then dress your dinning table with candles, china, napkins, crystal, a wine glass and champagne (if you drink).  Have romantic tunes playing in the background, set the table and wine and dine yourself. It’s a very liberating experience. After dinner, curl up on the couch with a box of your favorite box of chocolate and your favorite movies, and indulge in your passion for life.

Adeyana: Get a bunch of your girlfriends together, cook, dance, eat and drink. My girlfriends and I do this every year and we have lots of fun. It helps remind us that we have each other. Sure, it’s nice to have a man to wine and dine you on Val’s Day, but it does not beat having the time of your life just being silly with your girlfriends. We just pick whose home to go to, meet up and act silly, talk late into the night, laugh up a storm, then sleep over and leave the next day.  It’s so refreshing because you wake up the next morning with joy in your spirit and a sprint in your step.

In whatever way you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, remember to have fun and to make it a memorable occasion. Happy Valentine’s Day to all the Single-Minded Ladies!!!

Republished from February 14, 2009 issue