Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

By: AG Editorial Staff (September 1, 2009)

It is a well known fact that sex rates among the top 5 things that ensure a successful marriage/relationship. At one point or another, in a relationship, either party (man or woman) may find themselves under tremendous pressure to reveal their sexual knowledge/experience (or lack thereof). For many couples, the joy accompanied by the special bonding of sexual pleasure is a dream too far away and in some cases never realized; and many times leading to divorce. For far too many women, the fear of rejection and judgment on them by their husbands may cause them to suffer in pain.  

Many women suffer the pain of penetration in silence because they are either too ashamed of the stigma that comes with not being able to enjoy sex, or are not aware that there’s a cure to their pain. With the right medical attention, and psychological help, women have overcome their sexual barriers and are able to fully enjoy sex with their significant others.

What is Vaginismus

Vaginismus is vaginal tightness that causes discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or the complete inability to have sexual relations. The pelvic muscles automatically constricts in anticipation of vaginal penetration. 

Types of Vaginismus

There are two major types of vaginismus, primary and secondary.

Primary vaginismus occurs when a woman attempts to have sex for the very first time. With primary vaginismus penetration is usually either impossible or extremely difficult. 

Secondary vaginismus usually occurs later in life after a woman has experienced sex successfully for the first time and many times afterwards. The causes of secondary vaginismus can be either physical (medical condition, child-birth, age-related problems and so on…) or non-physical (fears, stress, anxiety, issues with sex partner, childhood experiences, traumatic sexual experience and so on …)

What Causes Vaginismus

The causes of vaginismus can be associated with both physical and non-physical triggers (such as fear, stress, and traumatic experiences etc.) that cause a woman’s body to anticipate pain. The mind and body develop a muscle memory, or a conditioned response against penetration in a woman suffering from vaginismus.  It is likened to the impulsive reaction our bodies experience when we feel threatened; we flinch, or blink our eyes when we note something headed for our eyes, impulsively raise our hands in response to a hand lifted in an attempt to strike us, and so on. So it is with vaginismus. A woman’s pelvic muscles have been trained to impulsively tighten upon the “threat” of pain caused by penetration. Except that instead of protecting against penetration, the tightening of the pelvic muscle itself causes pain.

Is Vaginismus Treatable?

Absolutely, yes! There are several treatment options available to women who experience the pain of penetration and fortunately, such treatment options do not include surgery, drugs or other complicated treatment methods. Some effective treatment methods that have proven successful are pelvic floor control exercises, insertion training and pain elimination techniques and counseling.

What Men Can Do to Help

It helps to know that men are supportive when it comes to helping women understand and deal with the pain of penetration. Here are a few things men can do to help ease a woman’s pain, embarrassment and frustration:

• Be positive and supportive;

• Continue to attempt intimacy instead of shutting the woman out and making her feel guilty about the situation;

• Attend therapy sessions together to help ease the burden of blame;

• Avoid becoming passive as this will cause the woman to retreat further due to shame and guilt.

• Know that your woman’s condition is not your fault, and there’s not much you can do to change it besides being supportive and understanding.