Afrikan Goddess (AG) Online

Written By: N. Amma Twum-Baah
July 1, 2009

I had a dream last night about someone I used to care about – someone I used to love. In the dream, the person was suffering and experiencing a tremendous amount of pain. That person was feeling a pain greater than I have ever known – a pain that does not compare to the pain of a broken heart shattered to pieces.

But, it is not the fact that I dreamt about this person that bothered me. It’s the fact that I woke up with a smile on my face. That is what I found to be disturbing. There was joy in my heart because this person was suffering and unhappy and going through what they were going through. That’s when I knew that though I had said it in words and in my mind; deep in my heart, I never forgave this person for what he/she did to me, for what he/she put me through. I was not free of this person, nor was I free of my past. I did not know how to get there though I had attempted to get there time and time again. The irony is that I actually thought I was over it, but I found out from that dream that I’m not.

I found this quite disturbing, because I prayed for this person every night. I prayed that God would forgive him/her for the wrong they had done to me, and that God would forgive me for the bitterness I felt in my heart; that our lives would be better with the separate paths we had both chosen. The irony is that in my heart I didn’t mean any of that and God knew it; for he knows when we’re being sincere, and he knows when we’re faking it! I thought I was on the path to forgiveness and acceptance, but the truth was that I secretly wished harm on those who had caused me great pain and misery.

So, here I was with a smile on my face first thing in the morning not because I was grateful to see a new day, but because the love I now considered an enemy was – in a dream – going through a traumatic experience. Of course, I had to go before God! It was weighing heavily on my conscience. This time I allowed myself to be angry, to cry and to let it all out. I don’t know how long I cried, but I know that when it was all over, I felt a whole lot better.

Many times we put on a brave face and try to laugh in the midst of our adversaries when what we really need to do is to admit that we are hurt, accept that we are hurt and angry and deal with that anger and hurt in ways that suit us. For many it means putting on a brave face and acting like all is well, for some it means bursting out a car window (not a smart move! Don’t do it!), for others, it means turning to God – in sincererity and humility – and asking for direction (the best move if you’re smart and know what’s good for you!).

I chose to turn to God for direction. It’s the best move anyone could ever make because only God can judge what’s inside of us. Only God can truly and permanently heal our pain and erase our wrongs. Only God can truly forgive. In his mercy and love, he has equipped his children with the same capacity to heal and forgive – to truly forgive!

Many times, we think forgiveness is something that happens instantly just because we’ve prayed about it. But, forgiveness is a process. Sometimes it is a slow process and might take months, maybe even years because the human mind always remembers. But, the human heart can choose to let it go!

It is okay to mourn and to become weak before the Lord because that’s when he gives us the strength we need to move on. Sometimes, to forgive, we might even have to completely let go of the people who hurt us and treated us badly. Sometimes we have to let go only for a moment, forgive, heal, and then move forward on a totally different platform of friendship.

The first step to true forgiveness is to make that choice to forgive because then and only then will you begin to be able to take the necessary steps towards true healing. Don’t just say it in words, but also in actions. A few things to remember to do in your quest towards true forgiveness are to:

• Be open about your hurt. Admit it to yourself and admit it to the one who has hurt you.
• Make a decision to forgive. First, forgive yourself for whatever role you played in the mess that was created. Then forgive the one who helped you create the mess.
• When you remember the hurt, also remember that you have chosen to forgive. Then ask God for strength to distract your thoughts.
• When you decide to let the past be the past, do just that! Keep the past where it belongs. When you keep going back to it, you know you have not let it go!
• Revenge and vengeance is the Lord’s. Don’t play God by trying to pay back those who have hurt you lest it come back and bite you in places you wouldn’t like it to. Human revenge is always full of mistakes, but when God lays a hand on those who wronged us, then and only then is justice really served.
• Remember, it’s always the ones we love the most who hurt us the most!

And as usual, whenever in doubt, turn to God for guidance and a shoulder to cry on. It is my prayer that whatever hurt you’re going through as you read this, that God will supply you with his joy and love so that you may find the strength to forgive and to live your life free of bitterness and anger.